Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
