Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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