Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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