I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
