Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
