Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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