When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
