my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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