My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize