areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
