spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
