guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
