Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am available for nakedness
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
