i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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