Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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