I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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