I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
