She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
