oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
