I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
