like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
