He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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