another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
