I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
