Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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