i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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