my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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