we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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