NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
