Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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