So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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