I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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