so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
