Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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