hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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