Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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