I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
