I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its not stalking. its research.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
