I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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