I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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