Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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