i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
