How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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