All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
