is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
