I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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