70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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