i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
