'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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