I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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