haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
