Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize