Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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