So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
