I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
