i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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