actually, I'm a sock model
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
