Sry I called you an 8
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
