your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
