just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
