i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
