I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
