Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
