i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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