did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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