So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
