Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
