It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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