Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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