I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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