tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
