and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
