sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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