If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
